New Year Resolutions - And Achieving them

Ever wondered why we end up never achieving most of our New Year resolutions? Prior to this day, most people attempt to forget their bad experiences and start things afresh with a new bunch of resolutions and promises. Yet, most see the end of the year without accomplishing any of the set down aspirations.

Firstly you need to understand that nothing you plan to do in 2019 will materialize until you realize that the real change doesn’t happen at midnight on December 31^st. It has to happen right now in your heart. So whatever aspirations and goals you’ve planned for the new year, you might as well start working on them now.

However, I’ve come up with a routine that will aid in the achievement of our new goals for the coming twelve-month.

1. Stop procrastinating. The biggest barrier that keeps most people from reaching their goals is the desire to relax and do something fun instead of working hard. (For me, its candy crush). So we’ll need to put in a lot of work to change this bad habit.

2. Meet new people. Meeting new people can be beneficial to your mental well-being and aid your career. It also provides the opportunity to network and have fun instead of staying morose at home. So don’t be afraid to get out there are make new friends.

3. Become more active. Rather than staying all day hunched in front of the screen of your mobile phone or television, find ways of moving around more throughout the day. You might actually loose some of the body weight you’ve been contending with.

4. Become more confident. If you’re confident, people will notice and it becomes much more easier to have your opinion heard. So stowaway shyness, speak up and take chances.

5. Earn more money. Even billionaires are looking for ways to earn more money. You can learn a skill, work as a freelancer or use the internet to a positive advantage.

6. Be more polite. Good manners make it easier to connect with others and ensure people view you as a good and trust-wordy person.

7. Go see your doctor more often. Regular check-ups are a must, no matter how healthy you feel at the moment.  

Does this seem feasible? 

playing the victim

Ladies, are you curious to why you only attract ‘boys’ who are only interested in taking advantage of you?

Here’s a question - What are you projecting?

Are you projecting weakness; playing the victim or are you projecting strength?

Lets deviate a little. When carnivores animals go hunting, do you know who they target? They search for the weak ones and not the strong one who most assuredly will give them a tough time.

Similarly the shark. What attracts the shark? The scent and trail of blood.

Now off from the animal planet, and back to the human world. We should understand that the world is only impressed with strength. You show them weakness and they will trample all over you.

Yes, you’ve been hurt, sexually abused and preyed upon by immature men. Yes I know how painful it must be - the heartbreak, the shame, the hurt, the vanquishing self esteem. But don’t go off sprouting the unfortunate tale to everyone who’s ready to listen. You’re just making yourself more malleable to the wrong set of people.

Pick yourself up. Cry a river. But the next day, clean up your face and forge ahead.  

There’s a law of unintended consequences for every action you take. So if you think that piping out what you’ve been through to every guy you meet and that will get you in their good books, you might be right.

And you might also be very wrong .

So pipe down and see a psychiatrist instead of unconsciously feeding yourself to men who only see you as easy prey. Rather than showcasing weakness, display strength. Yes, we know its been an excruciating occurrence and you might need to talk to someone.

Let that person be a psychiatrist.

And one of the counsel from a psychiatrist is, ‘never propagate the issue.’ Speak out, but speak to the right ear.

Daily Pointers for a sucessful life.

The above picture/word post, is a valuable itinerary for a new year.

Who doesn't agree?

Or do you have more to add? 

Or deduct?

Give?

Merry Christmas in arrears and a wonderful new year in advance to our adorable readers and subscribers. 

So Yesterday, I listened to a recording from a mentor and I noted down some specific pointers I intended to share and also; as usual, inquire your point of view.

'Guys who milk girls off their money, don’t milk off the strong ones. If they ask you to loan them money, two weeks into the relationship, know they are frauds - especially if it’s in relation to an unknown business. You keep doing that, they milk all your money.

They can come and say - ‘you know I just began work and I just need a few cash.

And you will go and borrow!

There’s no real man that will date a lady and ask a dime from that lady. 

Now, if you’re doing that, you aren’t a man. How can you start dating and in two weeks you start saying you don’t have?’ 

Dear readers, what’s your view concerning this? Kindly drop your comments and opinions in the comment box.

Proposal bait

A friend of mine shared this with me. I want to share, to warn the ladies who are  desperate for the ring on their finger, they forget their self worth.

Here’s what she wrote.

‘Precisely on Thursday, a male acquaintance who I haven’t seen in months and only encountered a sum total of five times - and note; only business transactions.

Now some people might term me high standard or proud but I think this dude was just full of shit (forgive the terminology)

So back to my story, this guy who I met through a primary school friend of mine, gives me a call. I think its business related, so I concede when he asks if I’m home.

However, when he arrives, the first question that pops out of his mouth (after he’d asked me to cook for him. Of course I declined) was; ‘Would you marry me?’

Apart from being stunned, weird me burst into gales of laughter because I have no idea where that proposal was coming from.

Mr weirdo then asks me if I’m expecting him to go down on one knee before I give him a positive response. And that system was old school.

And when I’m finally able to reign myself in, I frankly reject his proposal.

Then weirdness of weirdness, he decides the alternate route would be to sell himself or should I say market his sexual attributes.

First of, he started by saying he selected me because of my shrewd mind, business intellect and ability to stay afloat in financial situations. And that sitting close to me was turning him on; making him tempted to lift me up, turn me and begin to rut me from behind. Explaining how his ex girlfriend, who has a current boyfriend, still came to him for sex because he was the only one who could make her orgasm and squirt too. Due to his big dick and how he could go on for hours none stop. And he wasn’t just bragging about it.

I stared at him agape, wondering if he was expecting me to congratulate him on his prowess or fall at his feet in awe.

Oh and then he asked me if I was turned on, so we could turn it up a notch. And if I was agreeable to sperm swallowing.

When I refused his numerous offerings, he went ahead to tell me that I was too rigid and that I should let down the walls I’ve built around me. Saying I was weird and needed medical attention as I wasn’t turned on by what he’d just spewed.

With that, I let him out of the compound, with instructions never to let him in again. Mind you, we were sitting on a bench, outside of the house o. Imagine what would have happened if I invited him into the house?

Happy for foresight!

Readers, always differentiate between a boy who wants a sex doll and the man who want commitment. ladies, keep your integrity intact!
photo credit: jared

Healthy African dinner recipes - Vegetarian pasta

 

Ingredients

1 pack of spaghetti

One medium sized onions

Olive oil

Fresh vegetables (Ugwu/scent leaf)

One medium sized tomato

One medium bell pepper

Salt

Maggi

Garlic

Ginger

One medium sized Cucumber

One large carrot

One small sized cabbage

² The vegetarian pasta; served with cucumber, grated cabbage and carrot is a highly nutritious meal. All ingredients are fresh and proportioned for four full meals.

u The onions is peeled and sliced into half-inch thick rounds.

u Dice your, bell tomatoes and peppers, ginger and garlic.

u Grate carrot and cabbage. Set aside.

u Cut cucumber into a round thick one-inch slice. Set aside.

u Put pasta in a half-full pot salted boiling water. Boil for ten minutes.

u Extract boiled pasta with a strainer.

u Pour in half-inch olive oil in a medium pan or skillet over medium heat.

u Add your sliced half-inch thick round onions and fry until golden brown

u Carefully add your diced tomatoes and pepper.

u Allow sizzling for five minutes. 

u Season the sauce with a 1/2 teaspoon of salt, ginger, garlic and one cube of Maggi. Fry for two minutes

u Place pasta into the skillet pan.

u Stir-fry for five minutes.

u Add you washed chopped vegetables into the mix.

u Simmer over low heat, stirring routinely.

² The vegetarian pasta is plated and garnished with the cucumber, cabbage and carrot.

² And it is all prepared in less than thirty minutes.

Dont forget them

Dear readers, the holiday celebrations are drawing near.  Don't forget to show some love and appreciation to your parents; and the elderly.

Share the love!!!

Remember them.

Hello guys and ladies. Compliments of the season once again.

Today I decided to do a little shopping with my mum. On our way out of the shopping mall, I was accosted by a young kid of about seven. He inquired if he could assist me with my baggage for a fee.

Of course I refused. (sceptical he might be one of the mischievous kids who might run away with my days shopping). Even as I was about to ward him off for the second time, he made a statement that made me pause.

“Please help me so I go fit chop!”

My lips sealed immediately. And I thought back to the fully grown man who I met on my way in, begging for alms. And yet, here is this little kid, going about, seeking for whom he might render his service to.

I attempted to give him a token so he could be on his way, but he insisted on working for his wage. Honestly, I was charmed and gave him the shopping bag, which he placed on his head.

(Truthfully, he walked in-between my mother and I; just to be on the safe side).

After the short walk to the park, and loaded the bag into the vehicle, I gave him his earned wage.

He gratefully accepted and went off to eat or probably render his services to another.

And why did I decide to report this?

This is a season of giving and sharing love. As you buy the Christmas dresses, shoes, turkey or chicken for yourself and family; don’t forget the homeless children on the street. Don’t forget the less-privileged.

They deserve to be shown some love too.

Where is my father?

Following the media hailstorm surrounding the confession of celebrity blogger Linda Ikeji and her baby daddy, it got me thinking. Not over whether it was lawful to have a child out of wedlock or religious to have such child dedicated in the church.

Oh no. That’s trivial.

There are more important issues. And the question that popped in my head, in the midst of the social media drama was this.

“Where is my father? Why didn’t he stay?”

Assuredly the child will grow up to notice the absence of the other parent and would soon ask that question or will have the question burning in his or her heart as the case may be.

Therefore, I want to ask, (in relation to other single mothers) when is it the right time/age to answer such supplications of a child of a single parent?

I would be elated in receiving your comments about this.

Couple Joint Bank account

When a man and a woman decides to get married, they automatically become one. Meaning they’re expected to live, share and do everything together.

However, there’s the case of joint finance. I’m a bit jittery over this aspect. I was informed it’s liable for married couples to have a joint bank account. That it breeds unity, showcase transparency and improves communication.

Nevertheless, I’m still not completely sold out to the idea. So I have decided to throw the question out.

Would you have a joint account with your spouse?

Photo credit : en.photothema.gr

Why exempt the boy-child?

Hello everyone.

Today on my way home, I walked pass a school. I overheard a female educator addressing the students on the assembly ground. She harshly rebuked the girls for not performing their feminine duties of sweeping the classrooms. She echoed that such tasks was meant for only the girls. She was embittered that the boys had swept the classroom.

She told them it was the sole duty of girls to sweep, cook and perform all household chores. The boys however are exempted from such duties, due to their gender.

I’m not trying to be controversial but I ain’t grooming my kids with such mindset. No exemption!!!  

However, this is my opinion. I await yours.

A piece of seasonal advice

Compliments of the season. I’m sure November salaries have been paid. Spent already?

Understandable. Lots of bills to be paid.

December salaries will be paid way before Christmas; and that will be fun right? Opportunity to flex the seasonal holidays.

But also remember that school fees for the children, possibly house rent, and other financial responsibilities await you in January 2019.

Be prudent.

Don’t be overzealous with your spending. Don’t buy what you don’t need to impress people this festive period. Its not a competition. Besides I don’t think new clothing or hairdo for Christmas is in vogue anymore. Chicken still tastes like chicken no matter what day you cook it.

Don’t incur unnecessary debt all because you want to splurge. That’s just extra financial burden you do not need.

Save yourself the pressure. That you can afford it doesn't mean you need it. Do your calculating before embarking on your Christmas shopping trip

Make moderation and simplicity your watch word.

Be real to yourself.  

Informalizing Formal Education

  

My mobile tablet developed some technical faults. A friend of my dad who worked in  the Electronic section of Alaba International Market, assured me of a reliable shop where I could get it repaired.

On our way, we passed through Lagos State University. We observed a throng of undergraduates milling about. And he made a comment that struck me. 

He said, “And where will they fit into this jobless society? There are so many graduates who are jobless, Youth corpers who are about to join the job market, and here are undergraduates; about to join the assemblage of unemployed graduates. What a pity!”

And I said to myself, this man is correct. He has a point. 

After a few minutes, I came up with a suggestion I’ve decided to share: Learn a craft.

It might seem demeaning or absurd to the ears but this will go a long way to help you when you are faced with the crises of unemployment.

I know of a teenager who is presently studying mechanical engineering in the university. During the holidays, (and thankfully unappreciated ASUU strike) he’s an auto-mechanic in training.

There're so many crafts you can engage in. There’s plumbing, woodwork, hair-making, electrician, photography; amidst others.

This just reminded me of a friend who studied business administration in the university but learned photography as a craft. Presently, he owns his own studio; a rising brand, whose rakes in thousands of naira a month.

Tara Durotoye, the founder and CEO of House of Tara, graduated from Lagos state University with a degree in Law, and proceeded to establish the House of Tara International; a craft she’d began in the university.  

Combining your formal knowledge with your artisan skill will give you a distinct style over others. The Present ASUU strike, provides a golden opportunity. Don’t waste the time, sitting at home, ruining your eyes watching endless television shows. Go learn a handwork and you'll be thankful in the future.

Photo credit - therakyatpost.com

She's older; he's younger

Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas recent marriage was a lavish affair. And the whole hype stewed up thoughts in my head.

So readers, the question I want to ask, is two fold.

1. He’s way older than her. She’s way older than him. Does it count in a relationship?

2. We are from different religious backgrounds. Does it hinder our relationship, despite mutual bonding?

Counting on your responses and comment.

Inappropraite sexual behaviour?

Hey readers, found the picture/post on Facebook.
Don't mind me, but I'm curious. How valid is the post?
Awaiting your comments.

Married with kids - Should she leave?

Domestic Abuse isn’t something that many of us consider when we get married. The frightening truth is; sometimes, only time can reveal a partner’s abusive disposition. And by the time the abused spouse realizes how bad things can get, it can be too late.

An abusive relationship can leave a lifetime of dehumanizing scars, both emotional and physical. And in the worst cases, abuse can become deadly, That’s why its important to be able to identify an abusive marriage and make your escape before things get too far.

There is a pattern to abuse: how it begins, escalates and how it muddles your mind. According to Refuge, it is, “the repeated, random and habitual use of intimidation to control a partner ….. if you are forced to alter your behavior because you are frightened … you are being abused.”

I ponder over the innumerable calls the Nigerian police would receive if it became liable to report domestic violence melted out to women by their husbands. And that’s not even taking into conscience the women beaten to death by their supposedly devout husbands.

I witnessed a former neighbor get beaten by her husband because the bag he’d bought for her was stolen while she napped at a church vigil. To him, it was plain carelessness on her part. And the beating was supposed to set her straight and be a constant reminder to be more careful with her stuffs. It took the intervention of neighbors to rein him in. And this was just a year into their wedding.

I watched the YouTube video of a woman who described in detail the constant near death beatings; with knives, attempted drowning in a bucket of water where her husband had shoved her face in. She also narrated an incident where the man attempted to bite off her nose with his teeth. She now helps other survivors and is happy, with her three kids, and a business of her own. She has taken her power back.

Minimizing his outrageous tantrums with; ‘all men are like that, or I must endure for my children, or what will people say,’ will keep you in the crappy relationship for life.

Men who beats their wives aren’t doing it because he’s angry, drunk, stressed, insecure, is mentally ill, or whatever excuses people might come up with. He is doing it because he feels he has a right to do it. He is doing it because he has certain beliefs about women which are fully supported by our culture.

In plain words - He’s a misogynist. Millions of men are stressed, insecure, angry, and they don’t abuse their wives.

You don’t have to wait for the broken bones and near death situations before you consider it abuse. Keep in mind that most abusers are apologetic after the abuse. This cycle has many women trapped, hoping that this time the abuse will stop.

Forget about the supposed stigma of being termed a divorced woman. Its better to be a divorced woman than a dead or physically handicapped woman. When you stay in this relationships, you become increasingly depressed and your self esteem plummets.

If you tell someone that what you are doing is wrong and they keep doing it, they don’t care, move on and let them go. The problem though is that leaving someone who is willing to hurt you is difficult and dangerous. You are taking something from them, and its going to make them angry, so its vital to have a plan in place.

You can document the abuse. Take pictures as proof. In addition to this, abusers seem like wonderful people to the outside world. If you can dispel that illusion, you may protect others from abuse. 

Constant anxiety in a marriage is not because you are neurotic. Its called fear… listen to it.

Don’t ignore the signs

(In Fiancé living room, he places the dished meal on the dinning table, situated at the corner of the room. He places a jug of water, a glass cup beside the plates on the table mat. He smiles at the set up. Very soon, his wife would be the one slaving over the stove, while he lays back watching the television or reading the newspapers. Three more days and she would be his wife by the Christian decree. He’s about to sit down to his meal when a knock on the door resounds into the room.)

Fiancé: (Looks up) Who is that?

Fiancée: Guess.

Fiancé: (Smiles as he walks to the door. Opens it.) Why are you knocking? This is your home.

Fiancée: After the church wedding. (hugs him). So happy with the intervals we scheduled between the traditional and church wedding. The stress was exhilarating. And tiresome.

Fiancé: (Nods) Are you hungry? I made rice. You can have a plate.

Fiancée: I’m famished. (goes to the kitchen to dish up her meal) I’ve been up and about since morning.

Fiancé: What were you doing? You should be resting.

Fiancée: (she comes into the parlor, sets the plate on the table beside his.) Had a few errands to run.

Fiancé: (Eyes her plate speculatively. Purses his lips in annoyance) How many pieces of meat did you take?

Fiancée: Two. Why?

Fiancé: You took two pieces of meat? (inhales angrily) In this recession?

Fiancée: (shocked) I don’t understand?

Fiancé: Return the meat back to the pot. We aren’t married and look how wasteful you are. When you finally move in, how many will you take?

Fiancée: (tries to smile as she looks over at his plate) But you took three pieces of ….

Fiancé: (slaps her)

Fiancée: Jesus. (clutches her hurt cheek as her eyes water)

Fiancé: How dear you talk to me in that manner? You will obey me. I have paid your dowry. I'm the man. I’m the head of this household and I can do whatever I like. You, on the other-hand, have to economize.  

Fiancée: (petrified) You slapped me because I took an extra piece of meat?

Fiancé: And I will slap you again if you argue with me. (Eyes blazing, he points to the kitchen) Now return the meat before I loose my temper.

Fiancée: (Stares at him disbelieving.) You - slapped - me.

Fiancé: Are you still… (he advances towards her, threateningly)

Fiancée: (she rushes to the kitchen, plate in hand)

Fiancé: (hisses) Foolish woman. Doesn't know how much I spent on the traditional wedding. And will still spend on the church wedding. (shouts) Do you think money grows on trees? I worked hard for it. And you want to waste it. I have paid you dowry, so that shakara will end. Talking back at me? (he paces) I’ll beat that stubbornness out of you. You’ll learn how to manage by force.

Fiancée: (comes out of the kitchen)

Fiancé: (notice her empty hands) Where’s your food?

Fiancée: I’m not hungry. (she picks up her discarded handbag.) I have to go home.

Fiancé: You are angry? (sneers) Because of ordinary slap?

Fiancée: (She shakes her head.) I just remembered something I need to do. Sorry for taking an extra piece of meat. I’ll be back.

(Exits before he could stop her.)

(Light out)

The next day, the wedding is called off. Every bit of the bride’s price is also refunded by the parents of the girl.

The End

This happened to my cousin, a couple years ago.

My cousin’s father was the one who triggered the decision that the wedding be called off. He wasn't about to let his daughter be turned into a punching bag!

Ladies, you should be cherished and appreciated. Yes, you’re in your 20’s, 30’s, or even 40’s; but remember, the pain of marrying late is nothing compared to the pain of marrying the wrong person.

Don’t get desperate, you give reasons for his bad behavior. Don’t appease any bad behavior in a relationship. Marriage is a long time affair. Don’t stay in an abusive relationship all for the sake of marriage. Let them go.

Later on in life, you’ll recognize that you were better off than getting into a relationship or marriage that you’ll regret at the end of day. It doesn't matter how long you have stayed in the relationship or even if you’re engaged to be married.

Its not going be easy but let it go. We are talking future here, long term. In a country where there’s no law protecting the brutality of a woman, rather she’ll be blamed for provoking her husband. 

Make a decision - Your happiness or what the world expects of you. No one can pretend for ever. One way or the other, snippets of the behavior will leak out. Don’t put up with crap all because you want someone to love you. Don’t devalue yourself. Don’t stay with someone detrimental to you.

Appreciate yourself. Work hard. Earn that money - the right way. Don’t be dependent on anyone. Work on your self esteem. You don’t need someone to love you to feel complete.

Never ignore the warning signs.