Yelling Parents

I sat, thinking about what next to write and remembered an incident that had me traipsing back in my memory files. looking around, it’s become more of a repeated sequence.

And what is the preamble about?

Yelling parents!!!!!

Parenting is a struggle as we all want the best for our kids. And it is very normal to get frustrated with your kids especially when they are misbehaving. But the way you express the frustration and deal with the situation can have major implications on their personality development.

Yelling is never good for anyone. Imagine having an employer that yelled all the time. You would definitely avoid him or her. That imagine what your kids go through when you constantly raise your voices at them.

However, a study conducted by the university of Pittsburgh; the researchers claim that parents who yell at their children as a form of discipline, risk causing psychological damage to their children. Furthermore, they also claim that the psychological detriments that result from yelling (such as been hyper aggressive like some of our Nigerian parents) is similar to the detriments that results from parents hitting their children.

I find myself asking, what leads parents to become verbally aggressive with their children? The answer I believe, reads to; probable/deliberate disobedience, flawed/imperfect behaviours, snail speed, bad grades, and other negativity in general showcased by kids.

However, emphasis should be on working with the children’s flaws to identify the problems and seek solutions. These children experience emotional anguish after been yelled out by their parents, as they feel secretly inferior. I know it is difficult to parent a child to maturity without ever raising his or her voice at his or her children. But yelling becomes detrimental if it is habitual.

Below are negative effects, yelling has on a child.

1. Yelling makes their behavioural problems get worse. I can testify that. 

Yelling at your kids don’t solve the problem, but research has shown that it will create issues in the long run. Shouting makes them tune out and discipline will be harder. As they are likely to repeat said behaviour, so the cycle goes on and ends up making them more aggressive, physically and verbally.

Likewise, the child can get used to the screams and decide to do wrong as he’s already gotten used to the repercussions. They learn to lie. lies with truth mixed in for better lies. As the only way to protect themselves from as many beatings or shouts. Worse of, they get manipulative as they feed you with only what you want.

2. Yelling can lead to depression. In addition to your child feeling hurt, scared or sad when their parents yell at them, verbal abuse has the ability to cause deeper psychological issues that carry into adulthood. It can even graduate to self-destructive actions such as worsened behaviours - use of drugs and an increase in sexual activity.

At the very most, they will pull away from you and become more influenced by their peers than you. Yelling can also be qualified as emotional abuse, with long term effects, like anxiety, low self-esteem. It makes children susceptible to bullying since their understanding of mental boundaries and self-respect are skewed.

3. Yelling affects physical health. The experience we have growing up shape us in many ways, some of which we may or may not realize. Stress in childhood from a verbally abusive parent can lead to bad headaches, anxiety, and probable suicidal tendencies.

There are healthier ways to change your parenting techniques. Calmness makes children feel loved and accepted. When children feel safe and unconditionally loved, they will be more receptive to dialogue. Instead of yelling, you can;

1. Catch yourself before getting so angry that you lose control and raise your voice.

2. Anger can be managed. Talk to your children about how you feel.

3. Talk to them in a calm but firm way that leaves their dignity intact but make it clear that certain behaviours won’t be tolerated. 

4. Threats and punishments creates angrier feelings, and resentment which hinder inner discipline in a child. Use consequences and leave out threats as its humiliates them and make them feel insecure.

5. And even though yelling happens, own up to it. Apologize and your children will learn an important lesson. It will show them that you are ready to listen as long as they are obedient and show respect

Golden rules about office dressing

                              

 

Hey ladies, I’m not here to instruct you on what attire to wear or what not to wear to the office. The rules are just to ensure that you’re prepared for the office; whatever the day may bring, impress your boss and feel confident and smart. All of which will boost not only your personality, but also your career.

Keep scrolling to get to know this important tips and shop appropriately.

l  Thou shall stick to clean clothes

We know that the work schedule might be hectic but please!!! Think of the germs and odour.

l  Thou shall plan your outfit the night before

The stressful time constraints of a weekday morning can be daunting. So just take that extra 15 minutes before you cuddle up in bed to choose that appropriate, stylish office attire.

l  Thou shall not wear a questionably short item

If you having second thoughts about it, it’s decidedly too short for work.

                   

 

l  Thou shall include colour

While it can be tempting to wear nothing but neutrals everyday (safe), it won’t go unnoticed when you add a bit of colour to your office attire.

                    

 

l  Thou shall be wrinkle free

There is a reason why pressing irons and charcoal irons are so cheap.

l  Thou shall not wear anything necessitating a strapless bra

Gives you the confidence that your outfit is not revealing and ‘something’ might not accidentally pop out.

l  Thou shall have black polished flats on hand

Always be ready for an impromptu trek across town; or more predictably, traffic jam when you are late for a business meeting

l  Thou shall not wear anything your boss wouldn’t wear

This is mayhap one of the biggest indicator of whether or not your outfit is appropriate for the workplace.

l  Thou shall spray deodorant or perfume

You don’t want to go into that business meeting, without it. Trust me, I have a first class experience. The point-blank sarcastic statements are still stuck to my brain.

l  Thou shall have a neat hair style

Your hair should always make a statement.

HEALTHY EASY BREAKFAST IDEAS FOR A BUSY MORNING Part 3

Hello Dear Readers,
Thank you for your special interest in LyfOfAFoodie. 
For about two days, we have been discussing healthy breakfast meals for a busy morning. 
Today, we bring it to an end. 
Now we have varieties of breakfast meals we can choose from to remain healthy and fit.

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So what do you think? Which one will you prepare?x

SELF ESTEEM AND BODY IMAGE ISSUES

I sat, staring at my dinner. Should I eat the pounded yam and oha soup? Florence had warned me about my calorie intakes. Besides my mother had been giving me the ‘fish eye’ - you are getting too fat. In fact, that was her wake-up call when she saw me in my pyjamas; which I could agree was now too fitted.

I was starving, after eating just a carrot for breakfast, water for lunch and now pondering over the idea on whether to eat dinner. A routine I had embraced for a week now, but yielded no result. Seemed I added more pounds, instead of shedding them.

My stomach growled in pitiful hunger, but it was still a fresh memory of my colleague’s audible snide comments. I was sure it was about my increased body weight. Two days ago, a bike man had refused me, saying he didn’t want his tire deflated. I was even sure that was why Ibukun, my best friend who was a size two avoided me. She didn’t want to ruin her reputation. All because I added a few pounds.

   

Leaving the dishes untouched, I went into my bedroom. My gaze ran down to her stomach as I observed my reflection in the oval mirror. Yes, my stomach was chubbier that usual; but not enormously so. Was my thigh so thick now? How fat had I gotten? Was my ass bigger than it usually was? Did the added weight affect my height? Was my arm too flabby? Do I have a turkey neck? Had my cheek really gotten bigger?

No dinner for me tonight. I will be slim. Yes! I wanted my friends back. I won’t be ridiculed. I would starve myself until I had the desired model shape I saw on the TV portrayed by models and movie stars that everyone emulated. Oh yes I must be slim!          

This was me, five years. I can also surmise, a daily occurrence for the plus sized ladies. Until I eventually told myself; I’m beautiful the way I am. As long as it was a healthy fat, then I had no cause to worry.

Are you familiar with the lyrics of Lady Gaga’s song “Born this way” : “there is nothing wrong with loving who you are, cause God made you perfect----- so hold your head up high----- I’m beautiful in my way, cause God makes no mistake----Don’t lock up yourself in regret,  just love yourself and yourself----’

As we grow, we undergo and have to cope with numerous body changes. This leads to spend time, wishing we weren’t too skinny, too short, hair was not too curly or vice versa. The problem with this feeling is that it affects self-image. As the body changes, so does the self. When you do not like something in yourselves, self-esteem and body image issues start to crop up. You then, also perceive others, view you as you view yourselves.

Most of your' ability to develop positive self-esteem is affected by family life and parental criticism - negative comments about your appearance, the way you talk or eat. This have huge effects on the general growth and moods, making you compare yourselves with people around and when you find you do not match their standards, you feel low. Especially with social pressure from a popular culture that emphasizes unrealistic thinness in movies and magazines.

When you face self-esteem and body image problems, you become frustrated, resulting in eating disorders. You start feeling stressed when exposed to peer-pressure and competition at school or work, or even at home, just like I did.  Many take to drinking, smoking or cyber addiction in order to relieve the stress. You might or even already have become seriously introverted, play computer or mobile games, and start chatting online with strangers, just to feel good.

Computer games and online chatting can result in addiction which is more harmful. You may even become easy targets of bullying and once treated badly, will definitely turn to more harmful practices especially when you cannot find love at home or support from friends. You even start to build relationships with unhealthy friends resulting in unsafe sex, and possible pregnancy. You must have heard of some who become addicted to drugs and harm themselves when they cannot get results.

When self-esteem issues increase, it graduates to depression. Depression is one of the worst problems anyone can suffer from. You may want to ask me what the symptoms of depression are. Depression symptoms may be exhibited in various ways. Changes in sleep patterns, eating habits, declined interest in normal and healthy activities, dropping grades in college or low performance at work, and preferred isolation are all signs of depression.

If you exhibit one or all of these symptoms, you should immediately talk to your parents or an elderly mentor/counsellor immediately. You can also send us an email as we have counsellors who will allow you express your feelings, listening without interrupting because we have your interest at heart. We would never judge or criticize your feelings or thoughts and we will always tell you how important it is to have high self-esteem and be comfortable in your body, no matter the shape or size.

Life isn’t all about finding yourself. Life is also about creating yourself.  And always remember:

l  You are beautiful

l  You are worthy

l  You are important

l  You are special

l  You are unique

l  You are wonderful

l  You are talented

l  And you are irreplaceable!!!!!

HEALTHY EASY BREAKFAST IDEAS FOR A BUSY MORNING Part 2

Good morning lovers of LyfOfAFoodie. Thank you for the comments from yesterday's post on healthy breakfast ideas for a busy morning . Click here if you have not read it the post.

This morning , I present to you another list of breakfast for your morning 

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I am preparing another list of healthy breakfast. Do watch out for the last part tomorrow morning. Do drop your comments below. 

Don't worry, the recipes are coming shortly too. 

Thank you.

HEALTHY EASY BREAKFAST IDEAS FOR A BUSY MORNING

Good morning dear readers,

So, I thought of sharing healthy breakfast ideas this morning. This list is long , but I would keep adding more every morning.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And a meal I have always struggled with especially when in a hurry to avoid the predictable Lagos traffic.

However, it is very important for me to eat breakfast so I don’t end grumpy in the office. This meal idea is super easy, and you are going to love them.

Salivate on this while I get the recipes ready!!!

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More healthy breakfast coming soon. Do watch out for the second part tomorrow morning.

Thank you.

Major ways parents can maintain a good relationship with their kids Part 2

Welcome to the concluding part of the Major ways parents can maintain a good relationship with their kids. If you miss the part one, do catch up from here . The next point is :

Avoid constant fault findings and having unrealistic expectations

                       

Unrealistic expectations can cause a child to become frustrated, particularly if he or she only feels loved if certain doctrines are met. Well-to-do parents necessitate high standards of conduct of their children, while moderate or less successful parents look up to their children to become billionaires overnight so as to change and improve positively their financial standard of living. Parents shouldn’t try to force their children into becoming what they themselves wished for themselves, which they themselves couldn’t achieve and therefore want their children to become such person whether the child likes it or not. Most children are living their parent’s dreams instead of their own, thereby making them confused personalities.

Some parents crush their children’s self-esteem, talents, dreams and confidence by pressuring them to achieve beyond their natural ability in academics, music or sports. Odd what deep and permanent injury a parent could cause a child. Each child is a different and unique individual who should be guided to fulfil their own dreams and aspirations not obligated to accomplish the unfulfilled dreams of their parents.

Parents should encourage their children to do their best, no child should ever be punished or made to feel unloved because he or she is not strong enough, fast enough or smart enough. The greatest atrocity of all is to indoctrinate your children into a system that does not value their creative expression, nor encourage their unique abilities. Even if the child fails, encourage that child not to quit or get discouraged. Encourage him or her to try again instead of worsening the entire situation by screaming, harsh words or comparing to the other classmates. The greatest killer on earth is not cancer but hopelessness and discouragement.

Focus on learning what to expect from your child given his or her age level. Children should always feel that they have their parents’ unconditional love in all circumstances. If a parent brings up every fault a child has, it can be very discouraging. Most parents criticize their children everyday more than they ever praise them. Donald A. Laird said, “Abilities wither under fault-finding, blossom under encouragement.” Focus on correcting the most harmful faults and behaviours at first and later deal with the smaller ones. Be sure that you balance your correction with abundant praise for what your child is doing correctly, besides we all respond far more positively to encouragement than criticism.

Always apologize when you are at fault and say Thank you

 

Many parents find it very difficult to apologize to their kids even when it is them who it is at a slip-up. Saying the words, ‘I am sorry’ won’t kill you. When you accuse you child falsely and finally find out the truth, apologize instead of trying to justify your accusation. It will surprise you how much your apology will go a long way to soothe the feathers that have been ruffled and even ensure a closer relationship with your kid. Saying thank you is also not an obligation but makes you courteous and matured. Don’t think of your child as a lower substitute to be trampled upon. If you want a better relationship with you teenager, you should treat them as a person, not like your property.

Don’t be stubborn, saying this is the way it has been done and this is the way it will always be. Just as we try to keep up more sophisticated gadgets it is still necessary to keep up with your children so that you can help your adolescent in their confused state because they believe that they are matured and do not need their parents but in the actually sense they really do need them. Still lay down the law and remind them what the rules are because boundaries are very important when parenting adolescence.

What are the other ways to maintain a good and health relationship with your kids? please drop them in the comment section.

Major ways parents can maintain a good relationship with their kids

Sequel to yesterday's blog on MAINTAINING A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR KIDS , Today we would be talking about the Major ways parents can maintain a good relationship with their kids.

Stop humiliating them

This can be done by scolding them in front of others, making fun of them or discussing their weaknesses with others while they are present. Some parents will argue with this point and say that as parents, they have the mandate to talk to their children in whatever way they deem fit. They must note that these children are various individuals with their own thought process. Most of the reprimands that parents melt out to their kids in public are mostly never adhered to. The replies given to this from the children are anger, continued disobedience and sometimes outright rudeness.

Would you like your boss to reprimand you in front of other employees? What if he made fun of an idea or comment that you made, or talked negatively about you with other employees? You would probably feel hurt, humiliated and angry. Similarly, your child will likely be hurt and angry if you humiliate him or her in these ways.

Avoid comparing them to others and practicing favouritism.

It is very easy for a parent to compare one child to another or to have a favoured child. Parents may mistakenly think that by evaluating the child against his or her siblings or other children, the misbehaving child will be encouraged to straighten up. However, this can actually cause lifelong harsh feelings of inferiority in a child who is being negatively compared or not favoured, and can ultimately cause him or her to become frustrated and dangerously resentful. You are not encouraging the child with comparison or favouritism, instead you are making the child more hardened not only to you but also to the person you are constantly comparing him or her to and this can lead to a bad addiction like drugs to take the edge off or worst suicide if the child feels he or she isn’t good enough. Each child is unique and should be loved equally as different individuals.

Don’t be a hypocrite

                


As children grow older they begin watching their parents’ actions more closely. Your child may become confused and angry with you if you do the same things that you have corrected him or her for doing. For example, if you punished your child for using vile language against someone and then later mention that you just insulted your neighbour across the street with vile words; your child may begin to think of you as a hypocrite. We should remember what Jim Henson said, “The attitude that you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from, more than what you tell them. They don’t remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are.”

Equally some parents correct their child for stealing when they themselves often do so. Your son or daughter may view you as a charlatan if you act a certain way in public and a different way in private. Every parent should remember that one day the child will follow his example instead of his advice. In every area of your life always ask yourself, “Am I practising what I am teaching?” 

The list in not exhaustive, but Watch out for the concluding part this evening.