I sat, staring at my dinner. Should I eat
the pounded yam and oha soup? Florence had warned me about my calorie intakes.
Besides my mother had been giving me the ‘fish eye’ - you are getting too fat.
In fact, that was her wake-up call when she saw me in my pyjamas; which I could
agree was now too fitted.
I was starving, after eating just a carrot
for breakfast, water for lunch and now pondering over the idea on whether to eat
dinner. A routine I had embraced for a week now, but yielded no result. Seemed
I added more pounds, instead of shedding them.
My stomach growled in pitiful hunger, but
it was still a fresh memory of my colleague’s audible snide comments. I was
sure it was about my increased body weight. Two days ago, a bike man had
refused me, saying he didn’t want his tire deflated. I was even sure that was
why Ibukun, my best friend who was a size two avoided me. She didn’t want to ruin
her reputation. All because I added a few pounds.
Leaving the dishes untouched, I went into
my bedroom. My gaze ran down to her stomach as I observed my reflection in the
oval mirror. Yes, my stomach was chubbier that usual; but not enormously so.
Was my thigh so thick now? How fat had I gotten? Was my ass bigger than it
usually was? Did the added weight affect my height? Was my arm too flabby? Do I
have a turkey neck? Had my cheek really gotten bigger?
No dinner for me tonight. I will be slim.
Yes! I wanted my friends back. I won’t be ridiculed. I would starve myself
until I had the desired model shape I saw on the TV portrayed by models and
movie stars that everyone emulated. Oh yes I must be slim!
This was me, five years. I can also
surmise, a daily occurrence for the plus sized ladies. Until I eventually told
myself; I’m beautiful the way I am. As long as it was a healthy fat, then I had
no cause to worry.
Are you familiar with the lyrics of Lady
Gaga’s song “Born this way” : “there
is nothing wrong with loving who you are, cause God made you perfect----- so
hold your head up high----- I’m beautiful in my way, cause God makes no
mistake----Don’t lock up yourself in regret,
just love yourself and yourself----’
As we grow, we undergo and have to cope with
numerous body changes. This leads to spend time, wishing we weren’t too skinny,
too short, hair was not too curly or vice versa. The problem with this feeling
is that it affects self-image. As the body changes, so does the self. When you
do not like something in yourselves, self-esteem and body image issues start to
crop up. You then, also perceive others, view you as you view yourselves.
Most of your' ability to develop positive
self-esteem is affected by family life and parental criticism - negative comments
about your appearance, the way you talk or eat. This have huge effects on the
general growth and moods, making you compare yourselves with people around and
when you find you do not match their standards, you feel low. Especially with social pressure from a popular culture that emphasizes
unrealistic thinness in movies and magazines.
When you face self-esteem and body image
problems, you become frustrated, resulting in eating disorders. You start
feeling stressed when exposed to peer-pressure and competition at school or
work, or even at home, just like I did.
Many take to drinking, smoking or cyber addiction in order to relieve
the stress. You might or even already have become seriously introverted, play
computer or mobile games, and start chatting online with strangers, just to
feel good.
Computer games and online chatting can
result in addiction which is more harmful. You may even become easy targets of
bullying and once treated badly, will definitely turn to more harmful practices
especially when you cannot find love at home or support from friends. You even
start to build relationships with unhealthy friends resulting in unsafe sex,
and possible pregnancy. You must have heard of some who become addicted to drugs
and harm themselves when they cannot get results.
When self-esteem issues increase, it graduates
to depression. Depression is one of the worst problems anyone can suffer from. You
may want to ask me what the symptoms of depression are. Depression symptoms may
be exhibited in various ways. Changes in sleep patterns, eating habits,
declined interest in normal and healthy activities, dropping grades in college
or low performance at work, and preferred isolation are all signs of
depression.
If you exhibit one or all of these
symptoms, you should immediately talk to your parents or an elderly mentor/counsellor
immediately. You can also send us an email as we have counsellors who will
allow you express your feelings, listening without interrupting because we have
your interest at heart. We would never judge or criticize your feelings or
thoughts and we will always tell you how important it is to have high
self-esteem and be comfortable in your body, no matter the shape or size.
Life isn’t all about finding yourself.
Life is also about creating yourself.
And always remember:
l
You
are beautiful
l
You
are worthy
l
You
are important
l
You
are special
l
You
are unique
l
You
are wonderful
l
You
are talented
l
And
you are irreplaceable!!!!!
