Yelling Parents

I sat, thinking about what next to write and remembered an incident that had me traipsing back in my memory files. looking around, it’s become more of a repeated sequence.

And what is the preamble about?

Yelling parents!!!!!

Parenting is a struggle as we all want the best for our kids. And it is very normal to get frustrated with your kids especially when they are misbehaving. But the way you express the frustration and deal with the situation can have major implications on their personality development.

Yelling is never good for anyone. Imagine having an employer that yelled all the time. You would definitely avoid him or her. That imagine what your kids go through when you constantly raise your voices at them.

However, a study conducted by the university of Pittsburgh; the researchers claim that parents who yell at their children as a form of discipline, risk causing psychological damage to their children. Furthermore, they also claim that the psychological detriments that result from yelling (such as been hyper aggressive like some of our Nigerian parents) is similar to the detriments that results from parents hitting their children.

I find myself asking, what leads parents to become verbally aggressive with their children? The answer I believe, reads to; probable/deliberate disobedience, flawed/imperfect behaviours, snail speed, bad grades, and other negativity in general showcased by kids.

However, emphasis should be on working with the children’s flaws to identify the problems and seek solutions. These children experience emotional anguish after been yelled out by their parents, as they feel secretly inferior. I know it is difficult to parent a child to maturity without ever raising his or her voice at his or her children. But yelling becomes detrimental if it is habitual.

Below are negative effects, yelling has on a child.

1. Yelling makes their behavioural problems get worse. I can testify that. 

Yelling at your kids don’t solve the problem, but research has shown that it will create issues in the long run. Shouting makes them tune out and discipline will be harder. As they are likely to repeat said behaviour, so the cycle goes on and ends up making them more aggressive, physically and verbally.

Likewise, the child can get used to the screams and decide to do wrong as he’s already gotten used to the repercussions. They learn to lie. lies with truth mixed in for better lies. As the only way to protect themselves from as many beatings or shouts. Worse of, they get manipulative as they feed you with only what you want.

2. Yelling can lead to depression. In addition to your child feeling hurt, scared or sad when their parents yell at them, verbal abuse has the ability to cause deeper psychological issues that carry into adulthood. It can even graduate to self-destructive actions such as worsened behaviours - use of drugs and an increase in sexual activity.

At the very most, they will pull away from you and become more influenced by their peers than you. Yelling can also be qualified as emotional abuse, with long term effects, like anxiety, low self-esteem. It makes children susceptible to bullying since their understanding of mental boundaries and self-respect are skewed.

3. Yelling affects physical health. The experience we have growing up shape us in many ways, some of which we may or may not realize. Stress in childhood from a verbally abusive parent can lead to bad headaches, anxiety, and probable suicidal tendencies.

There are healthier ways to change your parenting techniques. Calmness makes children feel loved and accepted. When children feel safe and unconditionally loved, they will be more receptive to dialogue. Instead of yelling, you can;

1. Catch yourself before getting so angry that you lose control and raise your voice.

2. Anger can be managed. Talk to your children about how you feel.

3. Talk to them in a calm but firm way that leaves their dignity intact but make it clear that certain behaviours won’t be tolerated. 

4. Threats and punishments creates angrier feelings, and resentment which hinder inner discipline in a child. Use consequences and leave out threats as its humiliates them and make them feel insecure.

5. And even though yelling happens, own up to it. Apologize and your children will learn an important lesson. It will show them that you are ready to listen as long as they are obedient and show respect