I sat, thinking about what next to write and
remembered an incident that had me traipsing back in my memory files. looking around, it’s
become more of a repeated sequence.
And what is the preamble about?
Yelling parents!!!!!
Parenting is a struggle as we all want the best for
our kids. And it is very normal to get frustrated with your kids especially
when they are misbehaving. But the way you express the frustration and deal
with the situation can have major implications on their personality
development.
Yelling is never good for anyone. Imagine having an employer that yelled all the time. You would definitely avoid him or her. That imagine what your kids go
through when you constantly raise your voices at them.
However, a study conducted by the university of Pittsburgh;
the researchers claim that parents who yell at their children as a form of
discipline, risk causing psychological damage to their children. Furthermore, they also claim that the psychological detriments
that result from yelling (such as been hyper aggressive like some of our
Nigerian parents) is similar to the detriments that results from parents
hitting their children.
I find myself asking, what leads parents to become
verbally aggressive with their children? The answer I believe, reads to;
probable/deliberate disobedience, flawed/imperfect behaviours, snail speed, bad grades, and other negativity in
general showcased by kids.
However, emphasis should be on working with the
children’s flaws to identify the problems and seek solutions. These
children experience emotional anguish after been yelled out by
their parents, as they feel secretly inferior. I know it is difficult to parent
a child to maturity without ever raising his or her voice at his or her
children. But yelling becomes detrimental if it is habitual.
Below are negative effects, yelling has on a child.
1. Yelling makes their behavioural problems get worse. I can testify that.
Yelling at your kids don’t solve the problem, but
research has shown that it will create issues in the long run. Shouting makes
them tune out and discipline will be harder. As they are likely to repeat said
behaviour, so the cycle goes on and ends up making them more aggressive,
physically and verbally.
Likewise, the child can get used to the screams and
decide to do wrong as he’s already gotten used to the repercussions. They learn
to lie. lies with truth mixed in for better lies. As the only way to protect
themselves from as many beatings or shouts. Worse of, they get manipulative as
they feed you with only what you want.
2. Yelling can lead to depression. In addition to your
child feeling hurt, scared or sad when their parents yell at them, verbal abuse
has the ability to cause deeper psychological issues that carry into adulthood.
It can even graduate to self-destructive actions such as worsened behaviours -
use of drugs and an increase in sexual activity.
At the very most, they will pull away from you and
become more influenced by their peers than you. Yelling can also be qualified
as emotional abuse, with long term effects, like anxiety, low self-esteem. It
makes children susceptible to bullying since their understanding of mental
boundaries and self-respect are skewed.
3. Yelling affects physical health. The experience we
have growing up shape us in many ways, some of which we may or may not realize.
Stress in childhood from a verbally abusive parent can lead to bad headaches,
anxiety, and probable suicidal tendencies.
There are healthier ways to change your parenting
techniques. Calmness makes children feel loved and accepted. When children feel
safe and unconditionally loved, they will be more receptive to dialogue.
Instead of yelling, you can;
1. Catch yourself before getting so angry that you lose
control and raise your voice.
2. Anger can be managed. Talk to your children about how
you feel.
3. Talk to them in a calm but firm way that leaves their
dignity intact but make it clear that certain behaviours won’t be tolerated.
4. Threats and punishments creates angrier feelings, and
resentment which hinder inner discipline in a child. Use consequences and leave
out threats as its humiliates them and make them feel insecure.
5. And even though yelling happens, own up to it. Apologize
and your children will learn an important lesson. It will show them that you
are ready to listen as long as they are obedient and show respect
