Dealing With Controlling Parents

Good Morning Viewers, 

so we conclude on the topic of discuss on Controlling Parents. If you miss any, kindly visit previous posts.

Today, we look at how to deal with controlling parents.

Yes, you have been manipulated, dominated and overshadowed all your life and always at loggerheads with your parents because of the restrictions and embargoes placed on you. It’s an insurmountable nightmare living with a controlling parent. But understand that they do this out of love.

They might not know how to show it or maybe overdoing it, but you must still understand that they are your parents and they do not wish you evil. However, it’s imperative to make boundaries and take steps to improve your confidence and assertiveness. Remember you can’t change your parents. You can only change how you deal with their parenting style.

Therefore, ways of balancing it out; if your parents are a tad bit over possessive, are listed below.

• Try to understand your parents - Before you jump into an aggressive conclusion, try to understand where the possessiveness and dominance is emanating from. It could be due to insecurity, frustration and desire to be the perfect parent. Parents in their strive to be perfect, forget that the child is growing up. When you understand this, you’ll know how to proceed. 

• Communicating - A calm dialogue works. Talk to them calmly and especially when they are in a receptive mood. So you don’t end up been misunderstood or termed ungrateful. 

• Reassure - Assure them that they have a special place in your heart if their dominance stems from insecurity. Calls or a message, once in a while can also be a form of assurance. But not every day. 

• Talk to a therapist or elderly mentor; if needed, on what you want in life. Discuss and state your desires and needs Accept your preferences cone first. 

• Stop feeling guilty - Do not be pressurized into doing something you hate. You will end up regretting it for the rest of your life. Don’t feel terrible when you don’t agree with your parents, especially when it comes to your career choices. Yes, accept advice and directives but remember the choice is still yours and it is YOUR LIFE.

• Distance yourself - If the pressure gets too intense, its safe and advisable to distance yourself from your parents and do not let them make decisions for you. As a child, yes, but as a youth, NO. Visit them but make it clear you won’t permit superfluous interference in your life. 

• Take control of your life. Your parents parenting technique might have had a damaging effect on your life or personality, however as an adult, you have to recover and re-establish control over your life. There is still a lot to be achieved if you give yourself the chance. Don’t get overly dramatic. Life is too short for that. Pick up the fragmented pieces and glue them together. 

• Rediscover yourself. You can do this by having a long talk with yourself and try to discover who you are, what you are and what gives you pleasure, either in a hobby or career. 

• Stop pleasing people. Let go of the obsessive need to please everyone. You will only give yourself a headache and high-blood pressure. Don’t focus on people’s approval. Take advice and apply what is useful instead of bending to peer pressure. Develop a backbone. 

• Take responsibility for your life. It’s okay to fail. Not everyone makes the right decisions. Learn from it and do not despair. Just learn from the experience and forge ahead. Your decisions and choices are yours. Don’t run away from your mistakes, accept them and overcome your difficulties. 

• Don’t play yourself. Self-pity never helped anyone. Don’t mill over your past. Look for solutions and not problems. Remember the world is literally filled with sharks. Show them blood and they will tear you apart. So wise up and zip the lips. 

• Cut financial ties to parents who want to use cash to control you. As long as your parents are still paying your bills, they might want to dominate you. Don’t be dependent. Get a job and earn a living, no matter how little it might be. It’s a start. 

• Learn to recognize emotional blackmail. Most parents are good at this, trying to sway your decisions in their favour by playing on your emotions. So be able to differentiate the difference between their actual needs, your needs and an emotional blackmail. 

• Recognize the difference between emotion and action plans. Don’t just make plans/decisions in the heat of the moment and when everything levels out, you push them aside. That’s indecisiveness. Be firm in your decisions. 

• Start creating your action plan. When you make a plan, stick to it. Don’t dilly-dally. 

• Stop wishing your parents are less controlling or different. Your parents are your parents. They might never change. You can only change how you react to them. So put your big boy/girl pants on and take charge of your life. 

• Refrain from asking favours. As long as you keep asking for favors;, there is every likelihood, a controlling parent can use that to pin you down or restrain you.

Thank you awesome viewers. Let's discuss your opinions so far. 

Have a restful Sunday.