Don’t ignore the signs

(In Fiancé living room, he places the dished meal on the dinning table, situated at the corner of the room. He places a jug of water, a glass cup beside the plates on the table mat. He smiles at the set up. Very soon, his wife would be the one slaving over the stove, while he lays back watching the television or reading the newspapers. Three more days and she would be his wife by the Christian decree. He’s about to sit down to his meal when a knock on the door resounds into the room.)

Fiancé: (Looks up) Who is that?

Fiancée: Guess.

Fiancé: (Smiles as he walks to the door. Opens it.) Why are you knocking? This is your home.

Fiancée: After the church wedding. (hugs him). So happy with the intervals we scheduled between the traditional and church wedding. The stress was exhilarating. And tiresome.

Fiancé: (Nods) Are you hungry? I made rice. You can have a plate.

Fiancée: I’m famished. (goes to the kitchen to dish up her meal) I’ve been up and about since morning.

Fiancé: What were you doing? You should be resting.

Fiancée: (she comes into the parlor, sets the plate on the table beside his.) Had a few errands to run.

Fiancé: (Eyes her plate speculatively. Purses his lips in annoyance) How many pieces of meat did you take?

Fiancée: Two. Why?

Fiancé: You took two pieces of meat? (inhales angrily) In this recession?

Fiancée: (shocked) I don’t understand?

Fiancé: Return the meat back to the pot. We aren’t married and look how wasteful you are. When you finally move in, how many will you take?

Fiancée: (tries to smile as she looks over at his plate) But you took three pieces of ….

Fiancé: (slaps her)

Fiancée: Jesus. (clutches her hurt cheek as her eyes water)

Fiancé: How dear you talk to me in that manner? You will obey me. I have paid your dowry. I'm the man. I’m the head of this household and I can do whatever I like. You, on the other-hand, have to economize.  

Fiancée: (petrified) You slapped me because I took an extra piece of meat?

Fiancé: And I will slap you again if you argue with me. (Eyes blazing, he points to the kitchen) Now return the meat before I loose my temper.

Fiancée: (Stares at him disbelieving.) You - slapped - me.

Fiancé: Are you still… (he advances towards her, threateningly)

Fiancée: (she rushes to the kitchen, plate in hand)

Fiancé: (hisses) Foolish woman. Doesn't know how much I spent on the traditional wedding. And will still spend on the church wedding. (shouts) Do you think money grows on trees? I worked hard for it. And you want to waste it. I have paid you dowry, so that shakara will end. Talking back at me? (he paces) I’ll beat that stubbornness out of you. You’ll learn how to manage by force.

Fiancée: (comes out of the kitchen)

Fiancé: (notice her empty hands) Where’s your food?

Fiancée: I’m not hungry. (she picks up her discarded handbag.) I have to go home.

Fiancé: You are angry? (sneers) Because of ordinary slap?

Fiancée: (She shakes her head.) I just remembered something I need to do. Sorry for taking an extra piece of meat. I’ll be back.

(Exits before he could stop her.)

(Light out)

The next day, the wedding is called off. Every bit of the bride’s price is also refunded by the parents of the girl.

The End

This happened to my cousin, a couple years ago.

My cousin’s father was the one who triggered the decision that the wedding be called off. He wasn't about to let his daughter be turned into a punching bag!

Ladies, you should be cherished and appreciated. Yes, you’re in your 20’s, 30’s, or even 40’s; but remember, the pain of marrying late is nothing compared to the pain of marrying the wrong person.

Don’t get desperate, you give reasons for his bad behavior. Don’t appease any bad behavior in a relationship. Marriage is a long time affair. Don’t stay in an abusive relationship all for the sake of marriage. Let them go.

Later on in life, you’ll recognize that you were better off than getting into a relationship or marriage that you’ll regret at the end of day. It doesn't matter how long you have stayed in the relationship or even if you’re engaged to be married.

Its not going be easy but let it go. We are talking future here, long term. In a country where there’s no law protecting the brutality of a woman, rather she’ll be blamed for provoking her husband. 

Make a decision - Your happiness or what the world expects of you. No one can pretend for ever. One way or the other, snippets of the behavior will leak out. Don’t put up with crap all because you want someone to love you. Don’t devalue yourself. Don’t stay with someone detrimental to you.

Appreciate yourself. Work hard. Earn that money - the right way. Don’t be dependent on anyone. Work on your self esteem. You don’t need someone to love you to feel complete.

Never ignore the warning signs.

26 dys left. Which step?

Not everyone who’s on top today got there with success after success. More often than not, those who history best remembers were faced with numerous obstacles that forced them to work harder and show more determination than others. Next time you’re feeling down about your obstacles in college, relationship, finance or in a career, keep these in mind that all your present challenges are mere leverage for you to get to the mountain height… you are an epitome of success… a pacesetter, all this obstacles are stepping stone to the greater height ahead of you.

You've got twenty six days left, make the most of out it. 

Hello, jobseekers

An unknown number called my mother a couple hours ago. The man who spoke said he knew her, even quoting her address. He said he worked at an immigration office and there was a spot open at the airport, which he wanted any of her children to apply for.
My mom gave me her mobile, so I could speak directly to the man. He told me to send my details, - course of study, marital status, admist others. I got suspicious when he told me to send measurements for my uniform (skirt and shirt); a requirement for the job. 
Then he said, to ensure the job, I had to pay the sum of fifteen thousand and five hundred naira, to get my name processed in their head office at Abuja.
To my knowledge, you don't have to pay any money to get a job. All you have to do, is go for the interview. There are so many insolent dupers who try to rip innocent people of their money in the name of securing a job for them. And so many have fallen prey to this ploy.
Be careful. Don't be desperate, you get played for a fool. Do not pay any money to get a job. And also verify the job site and establishment as reputable, before you go.
Be wise and be safe. 

Lesson Learnt

Job seekers - when you finally get that job, insist on a contract or certified letter of employment before you commence. Some employers are very trickish. Without a letter of employment, they can come up and change their terms at any time.
She was excited about a recent job offer and ignored the fact there was no letter of appointment. Five of them where hired and the man rose up at d end of the month and claimed they didn't meet the required target he notified them about on the third week. So salary won't be paid but might start the next month And they have to pull events that will cover their salaries.
Funny enough he hired them as managers, then he switched the role to marketing and then he switched back to event planners/sales representatives and then back to marketing.
And now they are all back on job market and he is assuredly set to hire again.
Please be careful of this type of employers

kids and Television

A modest sitting room. The ceiling fan is twirling,.

Nigerian parent sits on one of the brown sofas, legs stretched out on the table, watching a drama show on the television.

{One of the adjoining door opens}

Turns gaze away from the blaring of the television. Watches the two children approach. Picks up the remote to reduce the volume of the television set.

1^st Nigerian child: Daddy, good afternoon.

2^nd Nigerian child: Daddy, good afternoon

Nigerian parent: {eyes them speculatively. Yes. Good afternoon. So what is it?.

1^st Nigerian child: {shifts legs nervously on the tiled floor} Dad, there is a new soap opera coming up on AIT. Its broadcast every Monday to …

Nigerian parent: Soap what? {glares at them angrily} Is that what I send you to school to go and study?

2^nd Nigerian child: But dad, it is only for one hour.

Nigerian parent: You are not watching any soap opera in this house. All those bad shows will corrupt your mind. You should read your books rather than watching shows.

2^nd Nigerian child: Daddy, we are on holiday.

Nigerian parent: {infuriated}You’re not watching any soap opera. And that’s final. Go and read your books.

{Both children look at each other as they walk back to their room}

Nigerian Parent: Children of nowadays. {tunes up the volume of the television set.}

Later that evening, by 9:30 pm.

The 1^st Nigerian child stands beside the window of the house, peeping through the window at the ongoing program on the television screen. At the child’s feet, lay kitchen napkins and two large bowls. One is filled with soapy water, the other translucent.

The 2md Nigerian child stays close to the television, remote control in hand. A chemistry textbook clutched in the other hand. They both watch the soap opera drama unfold.

1^st Nigerian child looks up sharply as the gate creaks open from a distance.

1^st Nigerian child: {Whispers urgently} Someone’s coming. (dumps the napkins in the soapy water and begins to wash)

The 2^nd Nigerian child quickly switches off the television. Jumps into a chair and begins to read. Aloud.

Nigerian parent: {observes child washing}. What are you washing by this time?

1^st Nigerian child: {looks up} The kitchen napkins.

Nigerian parent: {Nods happily} That’s good. {Peeps through the window. Smiles at the other studious child} Reading. Good. Let me go back to the shop. I don’t want to disturb you..

1^st Nigerian child: (hides smirk) Okay. I’ll read as soon as I’m done washing.

Nigerian parent: That’s good. Let me go back to the shop.

1^st Nigerian child: okay. (resumes washing)

Footsteps fades away. Gate closes.

2^nd Nigerian child: {closes book. Peeps through window} Gone?

1^st Nigerian child: Yes, put on the television. You’re washing tomorrow.

2^nd Nigerian child: No problem.

End

In this digital world, it is very difficult to separate your kids from the television, laptops, TV games or phones. The child can get addicted to this media outlets if you aren't careful or watchful enough. And the effects of the media gadgets on children are not good.

Rather than restrict them; and have them do it behind your back (trust me, children are very inventive in disobedient malpractices); there are ways in which a parent can effectively navigate the media drenched world and curb the excessiveness of media addiction of your children.

1. Be a good example. If they see you watch television twelve hours a day, surely, they will gravitate towards that behaviour.

2. No television set in their bedroom. That’s just asking for trouble.

3. Before you say no. Understand what it is first. Observe, listen, ask and parent.

4. Set limited viewing times. Don’t completely restrict them. Though the media has it disadvantages, there are still some good ones. It’s easier to limit their viewing habit if they understand they can watch only one show per day. And explain why you made the decision to them.

5. View the shows alone first before determining which is appropriate for your child. You can also watch the show with the child and ask questions.

6. Ensure they know the difference between real life and television/game shows so they don’t have unrealistic fantasies playing in their head.

7. Encourage other activities. Its not only school books children use to educate themselves. Introduce board games or art supplies. You can also introduce family time together; without the intrusion of the media..

8. If you want a sure free way, then do this - Cut your cable or remove your television completely.

TELL US THE SEXUAL TRUTH !!!

Nigerian child: You called for me. {the adolescent stands on shaky legs, mind rampaging through the day, for an unknown misdeed.}

Nigerian parent: {clears throat nervously} Mmm, you are going to university tomorrow.

Nigerian child: {Eyes blinks in confusion} Yes.

Nigerian parent: {Emits low cough again.} Eh. I just want to tell you that if any boy calls you, don’t answer him.

An unearthly silence as both stare at each other.

Nigerian child: What? Calls me? How?

Nigerian parent: You know.{gestures in desperation, wanting off the subject matter.} If a man calls you, just go the opposite direction. Spit on him if possible. They just want to ruin you life.

Understanding dawns on the teenager. Shifting legs, slowing against the tiled floor, the child smirks. Mischievously.

Nigerian child: okay.

Nigerian parent: You are a bright child. You have always been a good girl. Continue to be a good girl even in the university. Don’t bring shame to the family. Don’t go to bed with any man.

Nigerian child: {Eyes glinting with mischief, the child nods} Go to bed as in how?

Nigerian parent: {Swallows audibly}. Sleep on the same bed.

Nigerian child: {Eyes widen in false shock}. So, if I sleep beside a man on the bed, I will get pregnant?”

Nigerian parent: {Casts eyes away} Yes. Even if he hugs you. Especially, {clears clogged throat again} -if he puts his thing inside you.

Nigerian child: What thing? Inside where?

Nigerian parent: (Puffs out air from nostril in frustration} That thing….

Nigerian child: I don’t understand. What thing?

Nigerian parent: Don’t let him touch your panties. Don’t even let him see your pant.

Nigerian child: {nods soberly} Why will he want to see my pant?

Nigerian parent: (Sweating profusely). I just told you. Just don’t come back home pregnant. The conversation is over. Go and put beans on fire.

  (The end.)

Not apt, but relative.

A Nigerian child's sexual education fall within this scope. Well, that’s if they are lucky enough to get one. I got mine from Mills and Boons, Harlequin Romance, Batam books and then Zebra Historical Novels.

Our children live in a highly sexualized society where they are exposed to sexual language, images, and behaviours before they are developmentally prepared to handle them.

Research has shown that 90 percent of children today first learn about sex through viewing pornography. Other research reveals that a child’s first exposure to porn happens around nine years old. And this leads to deeply embedded ideas about sex that negatively distort a child, well into their adult years. Lets not even forget about the onslaught of sexual predators roaming the street under the cloak of friends, neighbours or relatives.

Discard the shame or awkwardness about approaching the subject with the children. Because when given so little/ less valid information about such a tantalizing subject, where’s a curious child to turn?

To their phone {parental control doesn’t always work}. Or their friends. Or a probably depraved friend or family relative who might want to show tell in avid details.

It’s up to parents to turn the tide. As a parent, you are the one who helps your child define and understand their sexuality. Be the one they come to when they have questions about sex even though its awkward.

From age three, discuss the names of the parts of the body with your kid.

From age five, talk about conception, and childbirth.

From ages eight, talk about puberty, menstrual circle, pornography, sexual abuse and sexual intercourse, including boundaries.

From ages eleven, have more dialogue about hormones and love, dating, and more complex questions about sexuality.

Children need to know about sex, this way, they can make decisions that are right for them when the time comes. And by discussing the right topics at the right ages, you’re setting your child up to be empowered.

My Own Brand Of Cohabitation

Years ago, I was of the opinion that cohabitation before marriage aids marriage life span.

I presumed the high rise in divorces stemmed from the fact that couples didn’t fully understand each other before legalization. I came to the conclusion that peradventure both parties decided to live together for a period of time, they would be able to discern their compatibility. Living together as a trial run where you can learn each others habit, expectations and quirks, see how well you cope sharing responsibilities.

The theory was based on the conscious and safe assumption that if both parties decide they weren't compatible, they could easily part ways without the ugly legal battle of divorce.

Recently, I reversed my theory after this analysis.

How assured am I that cohabitation with lead to marriage? How many people will I have to cohabit with before I’m assured of compatibly? Who gets to decide incompatibility?

What will be the grounds and rules of staying together? Who will be the more beneficial party of the cohabitation? Are we going to be sexually active? And if we are sexually active, and end up uncongenial, how many men will I end up getting sexually affiliated with? What will I do if I get pregnant since condoms work only 97 percent of the time. Is there a slated criteria by which I’ll know who is compatible for me? Whose house are we going to live in? If there’s a breakup, who leaves?

How long will the ruse go on till I’m fed up with moving from one man to the other before I finally decided to stick to one. And why should the possibility of collapse be the striking force in my life?

Now I’m of the opinion that with marriage, there is the sense of security, confidence and respect. I have finally come to the conclusion, there is no short-cut to happiness. To achieve anything great in life, you have to work for it.

Statistics (First things first) also show that 60 percent of couples who live together will not go on to get married, either because they break up (39 percent) or just continue to live together (21 percent).

Another statistical fact is couples who live together before they marry have a divorce rate that is 50 percent higher than those who don’t.

Even the national institute of child health and human development reports: cohabiting relationships are less stable than marriages and that instability is increasing. 

No one is perfect. We’re all different individuals with varying backgrounds, ideologies and temperaments. We might not be a hundred percent all the time but we have to be determined to make it work. Yeah, we might argue, fight, get on each others nerves, but we made a declarative pledge to each other before God and man.

Ignore the false propaganda of the media. You have the ability to shape your life the way you want it. Likewise marriage. Its not a good idea to ignore the problems with the concept of cohabitation no matter how favourable it seems.

Age limit to saying I DO?

When family relatives and acquaintances ask about my relationship status and I respond 'single,' I get weird looks.

The next question that pops out of their mouth is - How old are you again?
Mostly I want to roll my eyes but I respectfully respond.
Then they go on and on about how I'm supposed to be hitched since I'm done with my tertiary education. therefore the next on my agenda is marriage!!!
I try to explain  that getting married isn't like getting a university degree nor a job one can change when you find a better appointment.
I try to drum it in that wedding is just paparazzi, while marriage is the real deal where all the skeletons are out of the closet.
Yet, they insist there is an age  limit for marriage especially for women.
I believe there's no age limit to marriage. Men and women have rushed into marriage due to age pressure and ended up with unfathomable regrets.
It's better to be assured of what you are getting into before you take that "till  death do you part" plunge. Age should never be the determining factor.
Check out the article, questions to ask your partner before you get married
My viewpoint, however stated; but your opinions and comments are welcomed.

strict Parents = Untruthful Children?

According to the above picture, strict parents turn their kids into effective liars.
Dear readers, how true is this assessment?
How then can we correct children when they misbehave without being strict?
And how strict is too strict?
Please drop your opinions and suggestions in the comment box below.

His inferiority complex; her job!

My friend Ilabeshi, posted this on Facebook.
He said he was appalled beyond words at the senselessness of the post. Note that he is a man who's even shocked at the absurdity.
Personally it's beyond crazy that a woman will leave a high paying job just to satisfy a man's ego or inferiority complex.
What's wrong if the woman earns more? Why does the woman have to be the sacrificial lamb? 
Just to sustain a marriage?!!!😤😡
This is my own standpoint but your opinions and comments are highly welcome.

Why Only Her?

Gooday readers, 

I have an unanswered question, I'd like to share. Hopefully, your opinions will shed more clarity. 

Here it goes : Why do women have to wear makeup to look beautiful and men don't? We all have the same skin right?

So why do we have to spend a minimum of  thirty minutes in front of a mirror pilling on stuff, while the  guys go barefaced?!!

Why cant we just go barefaced together?!!!

Please, your answers and opinions are highly welcomed.