My Own Brand Of Cohabitation

Years ago, I was of the opinion that cohabitation before marriage aids marriage life span.

I presumed the high rise in divorces stemmed from the fact that couples didn’t fully understand each other before legalization. I came to the conclusion that peradventure both parties decided to live together for a period of time, they would be able to discern their compatibility. Living together as a trial run where you can learn each others habit, expectations and quirks, see how well you cope sharing responsibilities.

The theory was based on the conscious and safe assumption that if both parties decide they weren't compatible, they could easily part ways without the ugly legal battle of divorce.

Recently, I reversed my theory after this analysis.

How assured am I that cohabitation with lead to marriage? How many people will I have to cohabit with before I’m assured of compatibly? Who gets to decide incompatibility?

What will be the grounds and rules of staying together? Who will be the more beneficial party of the cohabitation? Are we going to be sexually active? And if we are sexually active, and end up uncongenial, how many men will I end up getting sexually affiliated with? What will I do if I get pregnant since condoms work only 97 percent of the time. Is there a slated criteria by which I’ll know who is compatible for me? Whose house are we going to live in? If there’s a breakup, who leaves?

How long will the ruse go on till I’m fed up with moving from one man to the other before I finally decided to stick to one. And why should the possibility of collapse be the striking force in my life?

Now I’m of the opinion that with marriage, there is the sense of security, confidence and respect. I have finally come to the conclusion, there is no short-cut to happiness. To achieve anything great in life, you have to work for it.

Statistics (First things first) also show that 60 percent of couples who live together will not go on to get married, either because they break up (39 percent) or just continue to live together (21 percent).

Another statistical fact is couples who live together before they marry have a divorce rate that is 50 percent higher than those who don’t.

Even the national institute of child health and human development reports: cohabiting relationships are less stable than marriages and that instability is increasing. 

No one is perfect. We’re all different individuals with varying backgrounds, ideologies and temperaments. We might not be a hundred percent all the time but we have to be determined to make it work. Yeah, we might argue, fight, get on each others nerves, but we made a declarative pledge to each other before God and man.

Ignore the false propaganda of the media. You have the ability to shape your life the way you want it. Likewise marriage. Its not a good idea to ignore the problems with the concept of cohabitation no matter how favourable it seems.